Play Therapy and Chinese Parenting: Building Stronger Parent-Child Relationships
Play therapy is becoming an increasingly recognised way to support children’s emotional wellbeing, behaviour, and family relationships. For many Chinese parents, however, the idea of “therapy through play” can feel unfamiliar or even surprising. Traditional Chinese parenting often places a strong emphasis on academic achievement, respect, discipline, and teaching through instruction, so it is understandable to wonder how play therapy can be therapeutic. In reality, play therapy does not replace these values—it complements them by providing children with a safe and developmentally appropriate way to express emotions, build resilience, and strengthen their relationship with their parents.
What Culture Has to Do With Chinese Parenting — A Play Therapist Explains
If you grew up in a Chinese household and you’re now raising children in Australia, you probably know the feeling. You’re doing your best to connect with your child — but somewhere in the back of your mind, there’s a voice that sounds a lot like your parents, your grandparents, or the culture you came from. And sometimes that voice says: don’t be too soft. Don’t give in. Children need discipline, not feelings.
This episode sits right at the intersection of culture, emotion, and what children actually need. And I had exactly the right person to explore it with.
Meet Sonia: Play Therapist and Researcher
Sonia is a play therapist at BSP and a researcher whose work explores cultural differences in parent-child play therapy — specifically, what happens when Chinese cultural values meet a therapeutic model that was developed primarily in Western contexts. Her research has been recognised with an award, and the insights she shares in this episode are genuinely thought-provoking.
She starts with the basics: play therapy gives children a way to express their inner world without needing words. A trained therapist watches how a child plays, what they choose to play with, and how they engage — and learns a great deal about what’s going on for that child emotionally and relationally.
Three Key Insights into play therapy and Chinese parenting
1. Chinese cultural values shape parenting in ways that are rarely named out loud.
Sonia explains how values like filial piety, maintaining harmony, and the view of children as an extension of the parent can lead to a parenting style that is more focused on controlling outcomes and behaviour. This is not a criticism — it’s a cultural context. But when that approach meets a child who is struggling emotionally, there can be a gap: the parent is trying to manage the behaviour, while the child is trying to be understood.
2. Parents aren’t supposed to be perfect — and saying so matters.
One of the most powerful moments in this episode is when Sonia and Chloe get real about their own struggles: the times they’ve lost patience, felt emotionally depleted, or didn’t show up the way they wanted to. For parents — especially those carrying cultural messages about self-sufficiency and not showing weakness — hearing a play therapist say I struggle too can be genuinely releasing. Self-acceptance isn’t just good modelling for your child. It’s what makes repair possible.
3. Four strategies from play therapy that actually work for Chinese parenting.
Sonia outlines the core of what parent-child play therapy teaches: acknowledge your child’s emotions and motivations, set clear and consistent limits, offer alternative outlets when those limits are hit, and stay steady when emotional outbursts happen. These aren’t complicated — but they require a parent who has enough of their own emotional regulation to stay present. Which is why so much of play therapy is actually about supporting the parent, not just the child.
What You Can Do to incorporate play therapy in Chinese parenting
- When your child is upset, try naming what you think they’re feeling before jumping to a solution or a correction.
- If your child hits a limit and has a meltdown, staying calm (even if you don’t feel calm) sends a more powerful message than any words you say.
- If you notice patterns in how you parent that feel like they came from your own childhood — and you’re not sure they’re serving you now — that’s worth exploring. A play therapist, psychologist, or family counsellor can help.
- And if you’re a professional working with Chinese-Australian families: this episode is worth sharing. It names the cultural dynamics with respect and clarity.
Connection — not perfection — is what children need most. And connection starts with you feeling safe enough to show up honestly.
To hear the full conversation, listen to Bilingual Speech Spot Episode 17 on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.
Learn more at blackburnslp.com.au or follow us at @phd.speechie.mum on Instagram.
為什麼我明明想溫柔，最後還是忍不住想控制孩子？——一位遊戲治療師的文化觀察
你是否曾經對自己說：「我不想像我父母那樣管教孩子」，但當孩子情緒爆發時，脫口而出的話卻和自己父母如出一轍？如果你搜尋過「為什麼我對孩子沒有耐性」、「中西育兒方式差異」，你並不孤單。
這一集《Bilingual Speech Spot Podcast》第17集，Chloe與BSP的遊戲治療師Sonia對談。Sonia的得獎研究專注於中西文化在親子遊戲治療上的差異，她以溫暖而專業的角度，帶我們理解文化如何塑造我們與孩子之間的關係。
中國文化價值觀，如何在不知不覺中影響育兒方式
Sonia解釋，孝道、維持和諧，以及將子女視為自身延伸這些價值觀，容易令育兒風格更著重管控行為與結果。這並非批評——而是文化脈絡。但當這種方式遇上一個情緒上有困難的孩子，便可能出現落差：父母在管理行為，孩子卻渴望被理解。
父母不需要完美——說出這句話本身已經是一種力量
這一集其中一個最有力量的時刻，是Sonia與Chloe坦誠分享各自作為父母的掙扎：失去耐性的時候、情緒耗盡的時候、沒能做到理想中的父母的時候。對於背負著「要獨立、不能示弱」文化訊息的父母來說，聽到一位遊戲治療師說「我也一樣」，是一種真實的釋放。自我接納不只是為孩子示範，更是讓關係修復成為可能的基礎。
遊戲治療的四個核心策略
Sonia概括了親子遊戲治療的核心：承認孩子的情緒與動機、設立清晰一致的界線、當界線被觸碰時提供情緒出口，以及在情緒爆發時保持穩定同在場。這些策略並不複雜——但需要父母本身有足夠的情緒調節能力才能做到。這也是為什麼遊戲治療很大程度上，其實是在支援父母，而不只是孩子。
你可以怎麼做
- 孩子不開心時，先說出你認為他的感受，再處理問題或糾正行為。
- 孩子情緒爆發時，你自己保持冷靜（即使內心並不平靜），比任何說話都更有力量。
- 如果你發現自己的育兒模式有不少來自成長經歷，而你不確定是否仍然適用——這值得探索。遊戲治療師、心理學家或家庭輔導師都可以幫忙。
給治療師的話
如果你是從事相關專業、接觸華裔澳洲家庭的治療師，這一集值得分享——它以尊重的態度，清晰地點出文化動態。如果你想與其他治療師交流跨文化遊戲治療的實務經驗，歡迎加入 Bilingual Spot Special Interest Group，延續這一集的討論。（連結：加入表單）
連結——而不是完美——才是孩子最需要的。而連結，從你敢於真實地出現開始。
了解更多，請到 blackburnslp.com.au 或追蹤我們 @phd.speechie.mum。